I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize