So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
stop calling my apartment porn island.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
