I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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