Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
