i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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