i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
where are you?
Hypothermia
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
