I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
