just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
