great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
