walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
