I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Randomize
