I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
