Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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