I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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