Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
