I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
