it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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