i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
