i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
