he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
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