Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
