his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
