No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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