yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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