I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
