i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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