Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
