did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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