You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize