No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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