does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
