Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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