i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Every concussion has its silver lining
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
