My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
