How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
