i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
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