before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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