it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
