dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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