I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
