I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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