yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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