You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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