I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
