Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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