Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
