My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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