He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
