Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
my sisters under your porch take her home
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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