smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize