Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize