Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Acid is not a monday night drug
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
