if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
