I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
