He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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