You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
