Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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