one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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