everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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