this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
