I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
