Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
