when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
