I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
