Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
