So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize