We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
