his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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