you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
