oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
