I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
