So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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