Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
