i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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