at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
