thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
