Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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