i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize