This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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