My sheets look like a crime scene.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I didn't notice because vodka
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
