He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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