just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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