i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
