I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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