What did we do last night that was yellow?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
