no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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