I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
