i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
