I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
