she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
