We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
