why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize