I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
