since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
