Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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