I'm jealous of your bromance
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
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