i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I think pants incapable of making pants work
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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