I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
We smell like vodka and hangover
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