she kept yelling 'call me bella'
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
it's like iHOP with fire
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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