I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
