Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
